Lowest point of my life..

A while ago, i was about to do something which can completely change my life, and alexus'.... Packed everything, got ready my final letter written for my son, and wanting to end everything. Tired of everything, my life, my situations, and all the conditions im shouldering on now.. It was all nothing but just pressures and pressures to me.. I did consult my daddy about all the situations im in right now before today, and he was really kind to give me all the advices i needed...but today is like, whatever he tried to talk to me, they didnt get into my mind...everything just went blank...perhaps im too depressed already, im not sure..one thing i know, i just wnt to leave all these behind..and so i got ready everything i have to do before i leave the door... Its funny the moment i stepped out of my office's door, there was this second voice of me listening to my son calling out for me, a part of me wanting to even more to go and end evrything, but the other part of me telling me to stay for his sake..not sure how but i got a wake up call all of a sudden.. I felt so selfish suddenly, if i die, nothing is going to change, its not going to turn out better after i leave.. Nothing is going to change alexus' life too, he will hate me for leavin him..i realized it was just a one sided foolish thought of mine, my son needs me, cuz im the only one he has to depend on now.. I have to be tough, life is life, i just have to faced on everything. All these while i thought GOD has been unfair to me, tried to look back now, i know GOD has given me the best parents in this world...they are the one who went through all these with me. GOD is kind to me for givin me my son, because if it wouldnt have been him, i would have been in hell right now..GOD gave me evrything for a reason.. And i believe these will be over.. GOD wants me to be a strong mama, energetic and kind mama to my son..i realized how i had forgotten to make my vows for my son about how i wanted to spend all my years with him, forgotten about how he first came into this world, one who needs comfort and evrything..i realized too how much i had forgotten to promise to walk him into school, how i told myself i wanted to make more birthday cakes for him down the road, all these forgotten i realized ive been possesed with all my thoughts and problems i had in my life that i totally ignored them... As soon as i went home,i embraced myself to my son.. Told myself he's the reason im living for..no matter what happens in the future, i promise i will walk down the road with him..so i got to be tough..i believe he needs me..tears rolled down my eyes after i saw his smile, because a minute ago he was about to be parentless...i was glad my friend culd knocked some sense into me too together with all the supports frm my family..inwas relieved.. I promise him, i will make many more birthday cakes in the future..he's the reason im living for.. :)